we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
