i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
