is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
