I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
