So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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