I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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