Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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