This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
