Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize