I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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