i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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