He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
