my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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