Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
