when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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