guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
