Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize