fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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