My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
