I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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