when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
