Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Welp...herpes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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