you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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