I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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