Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
