I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
