Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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