Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
