I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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