finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
