just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
