sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
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Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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