so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
