Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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