Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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