Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
