Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
