if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
