I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
