I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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