i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
