a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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