Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
