Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
