You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
