I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
