Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
