i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
