babies were throwing up all over the place
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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