I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
