Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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