He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize