WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
