Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
