smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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