Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
