We need to rekindle our bromance
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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