Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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