I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
