Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
