Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
