I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
