I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
