So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
